Listen Up Assclowns
by Sunny's Priceless Dream
Summary: Jericho welcomes the new members of the Raw roster, and says goodbye to those leaving. It's a tearful speech....in his eyes. One-shot. Humor.


**A/N- This just popped into my mind after watching the draft last night. It's just a one-shot. **

**If you didn't see the draft yet, and want to be surprised, I wouldn't read this yet.**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"ATTENTION!" Chris yells, at the end of Raw. The draft was over, and all the decisions were final. So now, as everyone is in the locker room, Chris decides now is as good as time as any to make his speech.

"What do you want Jericho?" Edge asks, wiping the last of the blood Batista got on him, off of his head.

"Cody and myself would like to make an announcement." Chris says, speaking for himself and Cody, who was packing his stuff up and talking to Ted. He had no idea what Chris was going to ramble on about.

"Thank God I am leaving." Hunter mumbles, patting Shawn on his back. After all, he was going to Smackdown, and poor Shawn was still stuck on Raw, with Jericho.

"You know, you should talk to Vince. Get him to move me to Smackdown too." Shawn says. If Chris was half as serious backstage, as he pretended to be in the ring, he wouldn't be that bad. The man was a damn good actor.

"Hey, shut up. Mr. Excitement up there has something to say." John says, rolling his eyes at his blonde friend, who was currently forcing Cody come up and stand with him. Once Cody gave in, Chris began his speech.

"Batista, Punk, Rey, Kane, welcome to Raw is Jericho." Chris starts off, welcoming the new members, who thought Chris was just being sincere.

"Now obviously I didn't get drafted, being as talented, good looking, and the IC champ. I am pretty much all Raw has to offer." By now, half the roster was rolling their eyes along with John, even Cody, who was hidden behind Jericho.

"Listen guys. I don't want their to be any hostility. You guys will no doubt get jealous that I am the first ever undisputed champion. It's natural. All I can say is get over it." Chris continues, his focus mostly on the new members of the Raw roster.

"Sure, I beat Austin and The Rock on the same night. But does that make me better then you guys? Yes it does actually." Cody was mouthing the words Jericho was saying, having heard this same speech a thousand times. A lot of the times, Chris was saying it to him.

"I'm not greedy. That is the only reason I am not the WWE champ. I mean, I am the record setting eight time IC champ. Are any of you close to that record? No your not." Chris goes on.

"Rey, we still have time." Batista whispers to the little man.

"Time for what?" Rey asks, confused.

"Time to go to Vince and threaten to quit unless he puts us back on Smackdown." Batista tells him. There was no way he could put up Jericho's ego.

"I don't think so. Your not going without me." Kane growls from behind them. He has been in the WWE longer than both Batista, and Rey. He did his time with Jericho, now it was their time.

"Like I said, there will be jealousy. There will be nights you will want me to be your partner. I will, as long as Cody doesn't need one. He's gay and the other guys are uncomfortable around him, so they won't tag with him." Chris explains. Of coarse, none of it was true. But in Chris's head, everything he said was true. It was about this time, Chris realized three of the four new guys, weren't listening to him.

"Listen up assclowns. This isn't Smackdown anymore. This is Raw. Better known as Jericho. You pay attention to what I say." Chris says, his comment directed to Kane, Batista, and Rey.

"I can already feel it now." CM Punk mumbles to Jeff, who was no longer part of Raw.

"Feel what?" Jeff asks, looking at the straight edge superstar.

"He's going to be the reason I turn to alcohol." Punk says, getting a laugh to escape Jeff.

"Is something funny Junior?" Chris asks, looking at Jeff.

"No, continue on Chris." Jeff says, getting glares from the other men. What did her care though? He was now a part of Smackdown. Jericho free. That thought alone put a smile on his face.

"Good. Next order of business now. Hunter, Ken, and Jeff. I know leaving Raw will be hard, and you'll miss me. But we will all be together once a month, so don't worry." Chris says, completely leaving Umaga out of it.

"Chris, I'm sure if you ask Vince, he'll let you switch to Smackdown." Rey says.

"No, no. Chris will do far better on Raw. He needs to stay." Ken says, speaking up.

"Guys, stop. I'm honored you all want what is best for me. But I have to stay on Raw. Keep Cody and my title safe." Chris says, while some of the men just wanted to cover their eyes, before they were blinded by his ego.

"Now that you three are leaving, I will have more time to teach John how to properly wrestle." Chris adds. By now, the locker room was clearing out, tired of listening to Chris. He didn't even notice until Cody interrupted him, informing him they were the only two left.

"That was a pretty good welcome and goodbye speech, don't you think Junior?" Chris asks Cody, who has became quiet.

"Yeah, great."

"What's wrong assclown?" He could tell something was wrong.

"How come you always put me down when you give speeches?" Cody asks. Chris never had anything nice to say about him. He wasn't even sure why Chris talked to him.

"Cody, I'm going to make this up to you." Chris declares, not actually answering his question.

"I'm sure." Cody mumbles dryly. What was Chris going to do, offer to set him up with a guy...again?

"A famous woman once sang 'If I could turn back time, if I could find a way, I'd take back those words that hurt you, and you'd stay'" Chris says, as serious as possible.

"Did you just quote Cher?" Cody asks in a disbelief tone.

"What? That's a good song." Chris says, defending himself. Besides, it fit the moment.

"Are you sure your not the gay one?" Cody asks, grabbing his bag and walking out of the room, Chris hot on his heels.

"Hey assclown, your the one who knew it was Cher."


End file.
